Harry Potter and a Series of Odd Events
by labarynth-mind
Summary: Harry Potter is having a odd odd year. A year that contains michel jackson, poopey the wonder dog and a fab 5 makeover! Rated for language and sexual content. don't know the pairings yet but there will be slash. get over it.
1. Default Chapter

Sara: hello, hello! This fic is purely nonsense and should no be taken seriously!

Jean: yeah. And Sara does NOT own Harry Potter, she's just a dork who has too much time on her hands and decided to create this piece of crap

Sara: T-T... you're mean...

Jean: aw. Cry me a river of tears, then build a boat and get over it.

Sara: just start it and shut up...

&&HP&&

Neville, Dean, and Seamus were all sitting in the boy's dormitory talking about fairy tales, one in particular.

"But seriously guys! The frog prince is like the best fairy tale ever! And I've always wondered about something..." Dean said starting to trail off in order to add to that never ending mystery that was Dean Thomas, for you see Dean decided a long time ago that one should always keep the people around him guessing. So then they think he's one way and then Bam! He does something totally unexpected! And they're like... 'Whoa! That was totally unexpected! I like this guy! Seamus soon snapped him from his thoughts.

"What do you wonder about Dean! Gosh you're so mysterious!" Dean smirked... oh yea... he got skills...  
"I always wondered, so many muggle fairy tales were true in wizarding world. So could a frog actually be some hot royal person in disguise?" Seamus and Neville tilted their heads in thought... "Hmmmm." they both murmured simultaneously. Seamus impatiently perked up.  
"Neville!" He shouted getting the frumpy Gryffindor's attention. "What about Trevor? You could kiss him and see what happens! He could actually be a totally hot princess bird!" Dean nodded in agreement; Neville glanced at Trevor, his pet toad. Neville looked at Trevor...Trevor looked at Neville, and for a moment, their eyes met... He reached over and gingerly picked up his possible new bride... Then slowly leaned in for a soft kiss. Dean and Seamus held their breaths as Trevor stared to glow, Neville set him back down on the bed and there was a bright flash of light causing the rooms occupants to shield their eyes. They all looked back and gasped. Those lips... That hair... that figure! His Toad was now... Bill Cosby!  
"Waaaaa! Buy jell-O! Kids say the darndest things goimen!" Shouted Neville's beautiful princess.  
"Oh god damnit!" Yelled Neville in anger, only to shout out in surprise when his new bride tackled him to the floor with shouts of "It's okay darling'! JELL-O!" Seamus stared in horror as the over the hill black actor molested his friend. Dean quickly snapped out of it and regained his composure.  
"Just as I expected..." He drawled in a wispy voice. Seamus turned to him.  
"So mysterious! God I want you!" He shouted hungrily. Dean smirked. SKILLS! Seconds later they were on the floor next to Neville and Bill. Harry walked into the room whistling and immediately turned on his heel and left still whistling contently, though now just a bit more urgently. And that's how Harry Potters day started!

&&HP&&

Sara: tell me how much it sucks.

Jean: and it does suck.

Sara: no you suck!

Jean: Your face sucks!

Sara: YOUR MOM SUCKS! HAHA now shut up.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, so I haven't up-dated in ever. I haven't updated due to the fact that no one is really reading this, but whatever. I felt like updating, here ya go.

Disclaimer: I'm not- Wait… hang on a sec… OMG! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I'M- Oh… Wait, sorry. I thought I was JK Rowling for a second there. False alarm, I don't own anything.

&HP&

Harry continued walking down the hall at a quick pace. He had been planning on going to his rooms to get his broom for a quick fly before herbology. He had most definitely not expected to wander in and find two of his dorm mates snogging… Well actually that wasn't much of a surprise. Dean and Seamus were like rabbits. But he hadn't expected to find not only them but little innocent Neville in there as well, snogging some middle aged black man that seemed awfully familiar. So Harry opted to forget the flying idea and just head to the greenhouses early while he struggled to erase those terrible images from his mind. He was about to round the corner when he was pulled into a near by abandoned classroom. He stumbled from the quick, unexpected change in direction and fell into one of the old chairs. The door was pushed shut and Harry found himself face-to-face with an unfamiliar face wearing Gryffindor robes.

"Harry mate! You got to help me out here!" The boy whined desperately to Harry. He was fairly tall and was black with a very dark shade of skin and equally black hair. He was slightly overweight and had droopy eyes and big brown lips. Harry raised his eyebrow and starred at him blankly for several moments.

"Eh… I… Well… Wait, who are you?" Harry stuttered out. The boy looked to be his age and was wearing his own house colors but Harry had no recollection of rooming with him in all his years at Hogwarts. In fact he had no recollection of even seeing this boy.

"Oh. Well no… Not really. I was in the third movie. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Directed by Alfonso Courez. I had a smaller role. I was there when Trelawny told you that you were going to die for the first time. When she saw the grim in your cup. Seamus says: 'what's the grin?' and then I respond: 'Not the grin, the grim you idiot. It's the darkest omen in our world. It is an omen of death.' You remember?" Harry starred at him blankly for several moments trying to figure out what on earth he was on about. Who was Alfonso Courez? What was this movie he was talking about? "I was also there in the great hall when Seamus ran in with the paper talking about how Sirius Black was spotted. I said something like: 'He could be any where, trying to catch Sirius Black is like trying to catch smoke. Trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.'" Harry blinked and nodded. Not really remembering but deciding to go with it all the same. "You see… Here's the problem! I'm not in the sodding books! Nor was I in the first two movies! I'm a Gryffindor but I'm not! I can't be a year higher because I'm in all your classes! And the only boys in your year and house are Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ron! I can't be Dean because he's there too! Who the hell am I and why do I get so many more lines that characters JK Rowling actually took the time to create?" Harry starred some more but eventually started to answer.

"Well… It can't be that you don't exist at all. We all have an identity. What's you're name?" The boy sighed and sat on the chair next to Harry.

"Mike."

"Mike? Well hello then Mike. And who are you're parents?" The boy looked at Harry and back to the ground.

"I'm the illegal love child of Marilyn Manson and Madame Hooch." There was a pregnant pause as Harry starred at this boy yet again with a look on his face of pure confusion and awkward fear.

"O…k? But wait. You're black- I mean. Never mind. So, you're name is Mike Hooch?" Harry broke off and stopped himself from giggling like an immature five-year-old when he said Mike's full name aloud. When you said it the two names merged together and sounded like… well like something else…(1) "So, what do you need my help for?"

"You help people, Harry. I need you to help me. Do you notice anything about my two lines in the movie?" Harry stopped and thought for several moments before Mike answered his own question. "They're both really morbid! Don't you get it? My parents stressed relationship, my uncertain reality and identity… I'm angry at the world Harry. Oh so Angry." As he finished his sentence he raised his eyes to Harry's with a lost and angsty gleam to them. Harry gasped.

"OH GOD THE ANGST! So much angst! With all of the shit loaded on my by Jo can't you damn fiction writers leave poor wittle me alone!" Harry shrieked and turned to run out the classroom. "Go talk to your mom Mike! Leave me! All I want is fluff damnit!" And with that Harry fled from the room.

&HP&

There we go.

(1) If you didn't get that try to say it aloud yourself. "Mike Hooch." Don't pause between the names. Ask in the review if you still don't get it.


End file.
